I pay rent like crazy every month to my folks.
I worked myself sick keeping the house at least decent. I walk to school 30 minutes, and commute another 30 to get there.
I pay my own way to school, too.
I only get so much to spend on my own.
I have bills I have to pay, too.
as I've said before, my brother gets off free on rent. My dad's gf pays rent, but has the luxury of a horse, cats, and dogs(and guess who takes care of the cats, such as attention, and make sure their food bowl is full, and clean the litter boxes?).
My dad goes out and buys grills and looks needlessly for country homes to try to buy.
yet, I'm in need of a new computer for school, a laptop, so I can work immediately after class at the school to get my assignments done, instead of taking an hour to get back home(and it's freezing in the winter, and dead ass hot in the summer).
my brother comes home with a 500 dollar computer, even though he already has an expensive ass computer.
I couldn't help but shoot a look of "uh-huh...thanks" at my father. I asked him for a break from rent, to be able to get the things I need for school and clear my bills. He says no, things are tight. yet everyone else has all this luxury. I'm not asking much, just enough so that my school life goes a little bit easier, given how far away I live from the college.
I feel neglected. buying me a few things of tobacco(10 dollars total) and making sure I have a bed to sleep in...just doesn't cut it. the bed will always be there, and I don't ask him to use his money to buy my tobacco. I tell him to use my credit card. but no, it has to be his way....
I want to go home, back south, wheere even though I had a hard life...everryone was equal...
I don't even feel bad I'm sick now. It's obvious I must be a burden, and so I have to pay a price for this shit called my life.
hell, I'm even going halfway psycho(peaceful, though). writing about what I somehow feel, all due to a person that isn't real. yeah, I actually made up someone. I know it's wrong, but it's comfort, so why not? as long as I'm not holding conversations with my made up person, it's fine....it's comfort.
I feel even worse now, because I might just be jealous of everyone here, and that's not me. I have never been jealous in my life....why now? I love everybody...so why do I feel like I hate someone?
ugh, I need professional help...but they'll probably just lock me up in a loony bin. then what music company will hire me afterwards? what college would take me? none, that's what...
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[img]http://www.dragonflycave.com/wpay/mew.gif[/img]
...I walk 30 miles in the snow to school, and it's uphill both ways. 
