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How should I go about this
Replies: 9 — Last Post July 22 6:15pm by Psychos

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( Psychos )


Technician 		Reply
Or should I even be bothering at all.  

You see, about a couple of months back this girl caught my eye, and over time I've got to know her but not very well. You see, I only generally get to see this girl on a friday night, the circumstances are annoyingly complicated at times but heres the thing

Over the time I did get to meet her I made what I consider astounding progress. I in fact told her that I liked her. She initially didnt believe me but I tried to clarify that I was serious in an email and the response was generally good, although she never reciprocated the feeling that she thought I was kinda "awesome" as well.

After that, I proceeded to get her msn addy, and a few weeks later I obtained her phone number and while doing so I asked her if it was alright if I asked her out some time. I was slightly drunk at the time but her answer was yes it would be fine. I promptly recorded that so that I would definitely remember

But heres the thing. I asked her out a couple of times after that and she rejected(when i say rejected, i was initially disappointed but she did have some good excuses, such as uni work) and as such i havent asked her again since.

After that there were a couple of weeks that I didnt get out so I didnt get seeing her, I sent her a message she didnt respond (I then learnt she was out of money) but further weeks went by and I became slightly more paranoid that she disliked me. A couple more weeks went by and we were both in the same place but we never talked to each other, I'm not sure if it was avoidance or just lack of us crossing paths but it sure did get to me

You see, she is frustratingly difficult to get a hold of. she rarely replies to phone messages, rarely comes online, rarely responds to comments left on social websites etc, so when she doesnt reply you are left with this akward feeling on what to do next. Do I continually text and risk annoying the girl....or is this a hint im not taking. I always fear being that guy who the girl just dreads coming up to them.  

But on the other hand the start of all this was running so well. Numbers, email addresses, heck even her friends making suggestive comments like telling me I should kiss her, to which i jokingly turn to her but she rejected as I expected...

I just want to know how I should go about getting to know this girl even better with such constrained methods of getting in touch with her without risking screwing everything up. I saw her out this weekend and noticed her dancing with another guy, I dont mind that and I dont suspect anything, but it makes me want to either pick up the pace and secure something or either drop this altogether. Its just from my pov if i cant tell how shes feels due to her general lack of conversation, things run cold for me until the weekends and assuming shes out it all drops to chance when i might not even have the balls to talk to her, thus wasting opportunity as well.

sorry for the long post but any suggestions are appreciated

Post edited at 6:04 pm on July 19, 2008 by Psychos

6:00 pm on July 19, 2008 | Joined Dec. 2007 | 28 Days Active
Join to learn more about Psychos Northern Ireland, United Kingdom | Straight Male | 47 Posts | 329 Points
Jakev0813


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
just bring up a convorsation..
6:01 pm on July 19, 2008 | Joined Jan. 2008 | 41 Days Active
Join to learn more about Jakev0813 New York, United States | Gay Male | 938 Posts | 1477 Points
hateitandloveit


Visionary 		Reply
I think you should try leaving her alone for a few days.

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Stephanie owns this signature.
6:02 pm on July 19, 2008 | Joined Jan. 2008 | 167 Days Active
Join to learn more about hateitandloveit Massachusetts, United States | Straight Male | 6132 Posts | 9470 Points
( Psychos )


Technician 		Reply
Lol see its weird, i left her alone for a couple of weeks. all the while i was thinking damn have i done something wrong.

Then tonight I tried sparking up a conversation via text and she replied fine so i can assume she isnt mad or anything, just doesnt reply often. A friend of mine actually agreed with me. convinced me this was the case.

6:06 pm on July 19, 2008 | Joined Dec. 2007 | 28 Days Active
Join to learn more about Psychos Northern Ireland, United Kingdom | Straight Male | 47 Posts | 329 Points
Eriin136


Quality Control Engineer 		Reply
you should text her and ask her when she is free and wants to get together and take it from there
6:15 pm on July 19, 2008 | Joined July 2008 | 18 Days Active
Join to learn more about Eriin136 Australia | 438 Posts | 724 Points
( Psychos )


Technician 		Reply
First time I asked her I asked if she was free on a specific day. Second time I asked her if she was free any time in the week. Both times she had decent excuses, but there is also the idea lurking behind that she just wasnt interested....but I don't know how to check if she is without directly asking her. I dont want to make a fool of myself and ask her out again incase she is blatently not interested

I dont kno

6:31 pm on July 19, 2008 | Joined Dec. 2007 | 28 Days Active
Join to learn more about Psychos Northern Ireland, United Kingdom | Straight Male | 47 Posts | 329 Points
californiaboy


Quality Control Engineer 		Reply
Ok here's the deal. This is a HUGE predicament for all guys. You explained it perfectly, you don't want to just give up if she actually does like you, but you don't want to be the annoying guy that won't take a hint either. In the latter case, it would make things WAYYY easier if girls were just upfront with their feelings, but that's NEVER the case, so the dilemma remains. Here's what you do. First of all, I wouldn't text her to ask her out, that's kinda busch league. But, to answer your question. If she keeps making excuses for why she can't go out, no matter HOW legit they may seem 9 times out of ten she's lost interest. Most girls if they have a legit excuse will at least say something like "but I really want to hang out sometime" or "how about next whatever day they are free?" If she doesn't then she's not interested. So you've asked her out twice, that's your max. Don't ask her out again, but give her an opportunity to kinda set something up. Like when you're at a party say something like "I haven't seen you in a while, we should hang out sometime" and see what her response is. If she's really enthusiastic and you guys have a decent conversation then try and build things back up, but if not then forget it. You still might end up in the dark, but in most cases go with your gut and assume she's lost interest. Guys tend to think that because a girl was friendly initially that she still likes them, but you can lose a girl's interest after 1 minute, 1 week, or 1 year.  
11:28 pm on July 19, 2008 | Joined April 2007 | 62 Days Active
Join to learn more about californiaboy United States | 84 Posts | 705 Points
( Psychos )


Technician 		Reply
Well the first time I asked her and she said she was busy, that was fine. My reply to that was along the lines of "ah no bother, perhaps another time?" her reply to that was "yeah another time would be good"

She seemed much more upbeat than i make it sound.

And I did that yesterday, I told her next time I saw her out that I'd have to grab a drink with her or something cause its been ages since we've talked in person. I personally didnt think she liked me, it was more the reaction of her friends that convinced me I should do something. (one friend making suggestive signals, others telling me that i should kiss her etc)

Also. In the event that I can't make something of it, is there any way that I could build up even a close friendship...It may sound odd but I just find her to be a fascinating person, talking to her is a delight, but I don't like sounding like a broken record via text messages as well with things like "hey hows it going?" and "whats up" all the time, especially since she doesnt reply often, difficult to get a conversation going that way, if you know what i mean

Post edited at 11:31 am on July 20, 2008 by Psychos

11:11 am on July 20, 2008 | Joined Dec. 2007 | 28 Days Active
Join to learn more about Psychos Northern Ireland, United Kingdom | Straight Male | 47 Posts | 329 Points
QisQ


Executive 		Reply
Dawg, I would let it go. First off, you shouldnt tell a girl you like her. This isnt middle school. Telling a girl you like her is kind of a turn off, (now this dosnt apply if you been out w/her like 5 times and have truly connected). Back to your situation.

You played your cards wrong man. Like I said telling her you like her, was a no no. Then all the texting, calling, etc. also wanst a good loook. Makes you look needy/clingy which is a MAJOR  turn off w/da ladies. Seems like you were that nice guy, you know a guy who would make for a good friend but nonthing more.

My advice learn from this. Stop calling her or w/e. She has your info. so she can call you if she wants to. Move on to other women. If you do bump into her or something, sure make small talk but dont get all desperate and ask when are you guys gonna hang out. Live and learn my man.

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"Life is a beautiful struggle." - Talib Kwali

5:50 pm on July 21, 2008 | Joined May 2006 | 314 Days Active
Join to learn more about QisQ Virginia, United States | Straight Male | 376 Posts | 3532 Points
( Psychos )


Technician 		Reply
Well in my defense, I didn't outright tell her I liked her. I merely complimented her in a fashion which implied it. And by your impressions off all the "calling and the texting" its not like ive been hardcore at her heels. At most its been about once a week just asking how shes been keeping, you know trying to maintain contact in a friendly manner, while not being overbearing and desperate. Its just that after a couple of misfortunate events, and not getting a chance of talking to her / seeing her around just afraid of the situation growing cold....but ill pray it doesn;t lol

But I shall take your advice. And we did have a bit of a rapport going...but yeah anyways I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I shall talk to her when I see her again (casually) and if I still sense good vibes then I'll judge what to do from there.

6:15 pm on July 22, 2008 | Joined Dec. 2007 | 28 Days Active
Join to learn more about Psychos Northern Ireland, United Kingdom | Straight Male | 47 Posts | 329 Points
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