Living on Earth today is like living in Hell. And no, I'm not exaggerating. I am absolutely SICK of EVERYONE, and EVERYTHING.

What am I good for? Nothing. I try and play music, I try a skateboard, I try and full combo a song on Guitar Hero...and what happens? FAILURE. I've been skating for 2 years, I still can't ollie well. I skate 1 1/2 to 2 hours each day it's not raining. I push myself to land a trick but I can't. When I'm drumming, I always hit the rim of the drum, or I drop my sticks, or I hit myself with the stick at full force by accident, cause my anger problems to kick in. I flick my sticks at the wall, I kick over my drum set and my cymbals, and I scream as loud as I can until my parents force me to stop. Playing guitar, I keep plucking the wrong string, or pressing the wrong fret.

I practice and practice, but NOTHING. I think my hobby should be FUCKING UP, because that's all I'm good at. L O FUCKING L.

God, being the fucker he is, messed up the way I think when I was born. I can't stop being paranoid about EVERYTHING. I can't concentrate on anything, I have days where I can't think, I think EVERYONE in the world hates me, even my "friends". Speaking of friends, they all leave me out of things and don't seem to care for me.

Society sucks. Everyone's a fucking asshole. I'm walking down the street and I get some basketball playing jock pieces of shit yelling out the window of their mom and dad's care, thinking THEIR HOT FUCKING SHIT.

I can't control myself. I yell, I scream, I hit things, I swear too much, I'm paranoid, I mess up, I feel like I'm being tortured by everyone. No one REALIZES WHAT I FEEL. IF I TALK TO PEOPLE THEY GO "Oh darling, don't think about it, just ignore it." I CAN'T FUCKING IGNORE YOU DIPSHITS. I TRY AND TRY AND IT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK. ALL YOU POPULAR PEOPLE SUCK. STOP THINKING YOU'RE BETTER THEN EVERYONE.

SUICIDE HOTLINE? BULL FUCKING SHIT. THEY DON'T GIVE A BLOODY FUCK WHAT YOU DO. WHAT A WASTE OF TIME. I WAIT 30 MINUTES TO GET IN TOUCH, AND THEN I GET SOME STUPID BITCH ASKING ME QUESTIONS.

It doesn't help. I want to die. I cannot take life. The only thing I can do is cry. After my grandfather died, I'm afraid every day of someone else dying. I think everyone will be more succesful then me. I doubt I'm going to graduate high school, because every day I get worse and worse. I've officially given up skating after today, and all I want to do is sit in my basement, playing video games, because then I don't have to go outside and face the world. And even then, there are assholes online. I can't get away from it, and the only way TO get away, is to die.

But I'm too afraid. So I guess I'm fucked, huh?

Best of luck, Man.

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"Un croquis vaut mieux qu'un long discours."

I was in the same situation... and attempted suicide. I popped a whole bunch of pills and as i started feeling sick, I started to realize that DYING is not what I want. All I wanted was to be happy. And now, I'm happier than ever.

You just have to concentrate on all the GOOD things you have in your life. when you mess up on the drums, guitar, skateboard.. it should just be a reminder that you are only HUMAN. You WILL make mistakes. But the point of mistakes is to learn from them. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Be strong. Focus on what you want. I promise you WILL get it.

And just when you think nobody out there cares for you, think of yourself. You should love yourself more than ANYONE else in the world does. And if you ever need to talk, I'm here.

GOOD LUCK!

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if you like anything i've told you.
plz be polite and message me saying thank you :)

I feel like you do at times with lots of people being terrible and that I am not good at almost anything.  It's not true though.  We both need to change our attitudes.  There are some good people in the world and we are good at something.  We should try and look for new hobbies to learn and do.  Please, never give up on life.

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Dragonking: LW's Own Superhero! RIP MOM 5-30-07 :'(

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don't kill you self here is a number to get advice from just please call 1-800-SUICIDE

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I'm sorry, didn't he just say that he was annoyed with them?

Sweetie, I know how you feel. I even have a psychologist, yet... nobody seems to understand. I keep on living because I couldn't bring myself to do it. I've been a cutter (please do not judge), I've been a hider, I've run away, I've done everything that I think is within my power... but I still lapse back into the same thing.

It seems no one cares, but some one must? You're still here aren't you? That little part of you that won't let you do it, he still wants you to live. You're in high school as you said earlier, right? You still have a lot ahead of you. Sure, it may seem like it's just going to be hell, but you don't know unless you try?

My "friends" (as you so well put them) have been known to leave me out, but when I try, even if it's fake, to be happy... I tend to be let "in" more often times than left "out". I think... you should be a bit more optimistic about life, it is full of opportunities.

Sure, this must sound like a whole load of BS, but take it or leave it, no one is forcing you to agree or disagree. Life has a way of continuing no matter. My view is this; either take it, or be left in the dust and struggling. Usually, I must suck it up and continue...

If you'd like to contact me, just reply to the topic you started and I'll somehow (I don't know how...) get across who I am.

Post edited at 1:14 pm on July 23, 2008 by ohemgeeitsme424

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if you like anything i've told you.
plz be polite and message me saying thank you :)

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fuck psychologists, they suck you dry. what you need is to runaway, who says you HAVE to fit in. trying to have that American lifestyle doesn't work. you don't need parents like that, they're full of bullshit, they don't even give you advice or really help. leave, change your name, suck all the cash outta your parents accounts (when you go to the supermarket, and your mom pays with a credit/debit card look over her shoulder and memorize the pin, write it on a piece of paper), open an account in an international bank or send through western union and deposit the money, then buy a plane ticket (or other type if you don't want to leave state or country) or get an adult you can trust (a stranger off the street, maybe a nerdy looking guy) to buy it online for you and pay him off, go were you want, and depending on the money you can support yourself for a while, invest in fast growing businesses (buy part of a famous strip club)

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Please don't listen to this person's advise.  The only thing I could agree with is going to a doctor.  The rest isn't correct.  Don't run away and don't give up.

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Dragonking: LW's Own Superhero! RIP MOM 5-30-07 :'(