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Quote: from swtpie at 8:40 pm on July 22, 2008

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So today I told my boyfriend that I loved him, but I can't keep this up. I told him if he can't stand up for me, then I'm gone. I refuse to be talked about like that.

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Jesus fucking Christ, how egotistical are you? So if someone says something mean to you on the street you are going to run home and cry to your mom?  

Fact of the matter is his parents have more of an influence on his life. Are you really surprised? If so you are the fucking idiot in this situation. It's understandable why he wouldn't stand up to his 'rents. It's human nature.

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What? Run home to mommy? Please...

Exactly, his parents have a huge influence on him. They are literally running his life. "Oh you can't do good in school"....then he doesn't try. "Oh you're not smart enough to go to College."...so he decides not to go to College. "Oh, you can't make it on you're own."....so he stops looking for a place.

I had to basically step up and convince him. He moved out without telling his parents, and is doing a great job. Right now I'm getting him to go to College, cause he is going job to job. His parents alway bring him down. They hate it how he doesn't need them anymore. So, they are trying to make me look bad. They hate the fact I got their son to grow up!

And it's not human nature to allow your family talk poorly about someone you love. If you love them, you stand up. Every time they see him, they try and convince him to leave me. They need to know that we're in a relationship and that they have to bud out! They can't control his life forever, they want everything their way. At this rate, they'll be planning his wedding, telling him where he should live, etc.

Don't you think its a good time for them to know he can make up his own mind.

Post edited at 7:53 pm on July 22, 2008 by swtpie

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Don't you think its a good time for them to know he can make up his own mind.

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Think about it.

My comments to you will be the same as I have had with him.  If you don't respect his lack of support for you now it WILL NEVER get better after marriage.  I would suggest to you to NOT try to drive a wedge between him and his parents by criticizing them but to deal with him permitting anyone to speak negatively about you in his presence.  You have lost respect for him and I think you have taken the right course.  If you give in now you will never respect him and that's the basis for any relationship.

He doesn't have to be mean and ugly to discuss the issue with his parents.  All he would have to do is say, "Look Mom and Dad, I love her, she is the one that I have chosen to be my wife, I love her and she loves me, so I am telling you that I do not want to hear any more negative comments about her. ...do you understand?

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I have a friend that is going through exactly what you are going through. He's a male and his fiance' will not say a word in his defense. I am extremely demanding in requirements to be my friend and he passes with flying colors in all aspects. He is kind, respectful, dependable, loyal and very intelligent. He will be a physician in three more years so you can't question his character in my opinion. The bottom line it's his religion (and he is not the least bit fanatic about it). In fact both of us feel the same about organized religion...urgh!

My comments to you will be the same as I have had with him. If you don't respect his lack of support for you now it WILL NEVER get better after marriage. I would suggest to you to NOT try to drive a wedge between him and his parents by criticizing them but to deal with him permitting anyone to speak negatively about you in his presence. You have lost respect for him and I think you have taken the right course. If you give in now you will never respect him and that's the basis for any relationship.

He doesn't have to be mean and ugly to discuss the issue with his parents. All he would have to do is say, "Look Mom and Dad, I love her, she is the one that I have chosen to be my wife, I love her and she loves me, so I am telling you that I do not want to hear any more negative comments about her. ...do you understand?

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You said it very well!!

But thats what I told him. I said, "You don't have to be mean about it, but you need them to know they can't talk about me like that. If you don't stop it now, it will always be like this."