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Abuse as a child affecting adult relationships? |
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 Replies: 13 — Last Post Aug. 13 6:44pm by samjgreen
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( kdc824 )
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I just (as in, a few minutes ago) broke up with a wonderful woman, because she was becoming fearful about getting close/trusting me. She said this is from being abused as a child by her biological father (which she had mentioned once before, in passing, a few weeks ago, so I know it's not BS). I'm just curious, how many of you have been in a relationship with a partner who had been the victim of abuse as a child? Was s/he having difficulties being close, or trusting you? Had s/he received professional help, before being in a relationship with you? EDIT: I need to clarify, SHE is the one who suggested we call things off, and I reluctantly agreed, after hearing her explain her thought process... Post edited at 6:31 pm on Aug. 13, 2008 by kdc824
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6:24 pm on Aug. 13, 2008 | Joined June 2007 | 367 Days Active
Join to learn more about kdc824 Connecticut, United States | Straight Male | 1586 Posts | 8886 Points
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Love Today
Wealthy Hobo
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Why did you breakup with her?
You could have comforted her and told her every possible thing to make her feel better about the situation. :(
Unless you already did that..
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If love were people, I'd be China.
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MystiqueBeauty16
Soothsayer
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I am a victim of partial child abuse by my mother. Because of her, I really don't trust anyone. It sucks.
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The mind may forget, but the heart always remembers.
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sarah is hot
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I was abused as a child, and as a result, I have had no successful relationships.
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soaringfalcon2010
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2/3 of my boyfriends were abused as children. bf #1 was never close to me and was abusive himself. and bf #2 was better he would hug me and all that jazz but he was still afraid to get close to me.
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dont leave me alone, cause i barley see at all im falling inside the black.
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mikeyp123
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Could easily affect it. Childhood is a mould thats hard to leave.
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bassguitarplayer2010
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Yeah dude that was kind of an asshole move you did
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allsmiles
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Someone close to me was abused as a child... She says it was very hard getting to trust people in general, especially since her parents refused to believe her and her sister when they accused him of the abuse. It's... not something I think I'll ever understand.
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When they leave you, they're in tears.
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The Raven
stewfoo
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As someone who was abused (physically, not by my parents), I can tell you it can and does have an impact on relationships in adult life. Hard. For a long long time, I couldn't even shower at my boyfriend's house and I wouldn't let him see me naked in the light.
I have since been in therapy though. And his understanding helped more than anything, really. It takes a strong person to deal with someone who is like that. It isn't easy for the relationship to thrive when one person has been abused, sexually/physically or mentally.
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ManicD
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Quote: from kdc824 at 2:28 am on Aug. 14, 2008
 Quote: from Love Today at 9:25 pm on Aug. 13, 2008
Why did you breakup with her?
You could have comforted her and told her every possible thing to make her feel better about the situation. :(
Unless you already did that.. 
Breaking up was her suggestion...she said she was having a hard time feeling a romantic connection, and she wasn't sure if it was because of her fear of getting close, or just because we weren't compatible... I have already made it clear I would like to continue being friends, and be there for her while she seeks help. It's certainly possible that we will get back together in the future, but that is a ways off, I believe...
hopefully you argued a bit before giving in to her wish to break up, if not, you mighta just blew it. otherwise seems liek the right choice
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6:32 pm on Aug. 13, 2008 | Joined Jan. 2006 | 793 Days Active
Join to learn more about ManicD England, United Kingdom | Lesbian Male | 6832 Posts | 18937 Points
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( kdc824 )
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Quote: from ManicD at 9:32 pm on Aug. 13, 2008
Quote: from kdc824 at 2:28 am on Aug. 14, 2008
Quote: from Love Today at 9:25 pm on Aug. 13, 2008
Why did you breakup with her?
You could have comforted her and told her every possible thing to make her feel better about the situation. :(
Unless you already did that..
Breaking up was her suggestion...she said she was having a hard time feeling a romantic connection, and she wasn't sure if it was because of her fear of getting close, or just because we weren't compatible... I have already made it clear I would like to continue being friends, and be there for her while she seeks help. It's certainly possible that we will get back together in the future, but that is a ways off, I believe...
hopefully you argued a bit before giving in to her wish to break up, if not, you mighta just blew it. otherwise seems liek the right choice
We first talked about it on Monday night, and decided to sleep on it, and talk about it again...which we did tonight. She has a lot of things going on right now, and combined with the issues she needs to work through, we agreed that breaking up would be the best thing for her right now...
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6:38 pm on Aug. 13, 2008 | Joined June 2007 | 367 Days Active
Join to learn more about kdc824 Connecticut, United States | Straight Male | 1586 Posts | 8886 Points
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samjgreen
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i definately had that situation unfortun\atelyt. its tough and annoying. he would never show any affection, or feel comfortable, i lost interest and broke it off, but hwen i did that he stocked me cuz of all this "connection" he said. its wierd. but i guess hes screwed up bc of abuse and things like that as a child. i really dont feel bad for him ne more. hes not my prob, he needs to help himslf. maybe this has nothing to do with ur situation. o well, i said it
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