Well, I'm in my second year of college, and I just feel so...down. Unhappy. Depressed. I feel like I have no real direction, and, in the past year, I have lost all motivation to continue. I just feel that I should drop out, but I can't. My first year of college was great. But now...everything is just wrong.
I'm majoring in something that literally makes me want to shoot myself every time I go to the classes (Science major)...and I'm doing this because my family thinks I should be going to get a career where I make a lot of money. And apparently, what I'm interested in, would get me NO WHERE! ...So, because of my lack of interest in the classes, I'm not giving much mind to them, and I'm making an F in two classes already! And I'm bound to these classes until December--family wont let me drop even one class because I'll go part time and lose my scholarship money.
And I feel so lonely. I live with my family, and I have an amazing boyfriend who is also my best friend. But still...I feel so alone. I've tried talking to people at school...but we never talk outside of class. It's like nobody wants to be friends with me. And I don't know why--maybe because I don't want to join any of those dumb Sororities? I don't know, I try to be as nice as I can...but I'm feeling like the 'high school loner' right now...I've got no one but my boyfriend and family...
I'm hating life right now. I'm beginning to hate myself. I'm not considering suicide at all, but sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if I weren't here and didn't have to put up with all this.
I don't know what I'm doing here...I don't know where I'm going in life. Right now, it looks like I have no purpose, and that I'm going nowhere.
